Myths of Life – Identifying and Removing the Myth of Limitation

How often do you hear the words ‘She/He did this and I felt….’?  It implies that a person feels a certain way because of someone else’s actions.  What if this was a myth?  What if these simplistic explanations merely trivialise the human experience, reducing understanding of ourselves and our worlds to cause and effect relationships?

I recently saw someone tenaciously hold to their story that a person’s actions resulted in them feeling very angry and upset. Despite much discussion, the person struggled to see things differently.  It was not until they considered that it was not the ‘person’ who caused them upset, but their own anger at continually attracting this type of interaction into their life, that they were able to see what was really going on.

Where in your life are you denying responsibility for your actions by blaming others for how you feel or act?

Existential angst presents itself in many forms.  Have you ever experienced or learnt that a major change an individual experiences as positive and enhancing may be seen as negative, insignificant or trivial by others?  For example, I recently learnt that a colleague was getting married.  Eager to tell her close friends, she found certain of their responses unusual and upsetting.  One friend immediately challenged her with cynical remarks about her choice of lifestyle and seeming denial of her independence – without even asking the to-be bride how she felt about her life choices.  Why would a close friend seemingly fail to support her friend and want the best for her?

What if the bride to be’s choices were not, in themself, being resisted by the friend? What if the friend’s reactions had more to do with them facing the reality of change with all its losses?  For example, the bride to be is changing her life which, in turn affects the friend’s world.  Formerly she may have seen them as single women sharing similar experiences and venturing out together.  This is now changing and with it comes an ending, indicating that all things are temporary – not just events or experiences  – but the elements that make up our individual and collectively perceived worlds.

Reactions to change are existential in nature.  Even those who change all the time find ’staying the same’ challenging – since the latter is a change to their perceived and created worldview that change is constant.  By embracing the existential angst inherent in everyday change, we have the potential to live more mindfully and engage with others in more intimate ways, knowing that we are each co-created through our interwoven experiences.

Existential therapy is qualitively different from other forms of psychotherapy.  It assumes that people are not sick but that symptoms indicate an individuals unique responses to life’s challenges. This might sound simple or even dismissive of the sufferer an individual has – it is not; instead it puts aside traditional notions of labelled mental ill-health and sees that we are meaning-making beings who create our own being  (good and bad) through interactions in the world.  Symptoms like depression, anxiety or general unhappiness are seen as experiences which we have a part in creating – which we might deny we have a part in but which are chosen unconsciously to ultimately heal ourselves.

Instead of pathologising the individual or their symptoms, the existential therapist assists the individual to identify the meaning behind their experiences.  Assumptions are challenges and a client assisted to see where they are denying they have choice in their situation or failing to see where it is available.  Existential themes of aloneness, uncertainty, death and the inherent choice and freedom to choose our own way of being, are highlighted and embraced.  Presenting symptoms like anxiety, depression, bipolar condition and addictions are openly explored to uncover the unique and subjective meanings attributed to them by each individuals experience.  Thus, the debilitating and distressing symptoms are sensitively handled to explore how they might be an individuals conscious or unconscious means of denying responsibility for their own life.

Why might someone choose the debilitating effects of depression or other traditionally labelled conditions?  It seems ridiculous maybe to even suggest that someone would do this.  However, what if mental health conditions were powerful signals that all is not well – that conformity to other’s expectations, contrary to our values or meaning-making result in us creating dis-ease which masquerades as depression – when it fact it is an invitation to look ourselves squarely in the eye and start choosing for ourselves? This ‘Call of Conscious’ named by the German Philosopher Heidegger  presents in many forms and when it does, don’t ignore it – it is an invitation to yourself to know yourself.