Myths of Life – Identifying and Removing the Myth of Limitation

Existential therapy offers a refreshing approach of understanding the concerns and challenges of being human.  As we live our lives, challenges and obstacles bring us face to face with a growing awareness that there is uncertainty and change all around.  Modern living encourages us to become more organised, seek ways to reduce our anxiety and concerns, as if they were impediments to living a normal life.  Whilst techniques and strategies aimed at reducing anxiety or alleviating mood can be enormously valuable, they are often temporary solutions to the bigger questions of living.

Many people, despite achieving much in their lives, are left with a gnawing anxiety: ‘Isn’t there more to life?’  When these questions are asked, opportunity exists to explore more fully what it is ‘to live’ rather than ‘make a living’.  Ask yourself ‘When I look back at the end of my life, what will I think of how I lived? What was it all about? Will I believe I have lived and loved fully? The author Brendan Burchard implores us to ask at the end of our lives ‘Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?’

Existential therapy is an opportunity to work with a therapist who, instead of pathologising symptoms and mental health conditions, sees them as responses to the inevitable challenges of being human, despite their pain.  Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive behaviour are seen as signs and signals of how the sufferer is living in the world against the backcloth of the undeniable responsibility we have for ‘how to live’. And the way society dictates we should live may not be what you want for yourself.   It is a journey that not only introduces you fully to yourself but one which invites you to live fully and purposefully – on your terms – not those dictated to by social, social conditions or culture.   Every professionally trained existential therapist will have journeyed in their own existential therapy, highlighting the importance of them, as human existents, embracing their own existential dilemmas.  Existential therapy is different from other modalities, not only philosophically but sees all theories of ‘why we do things’ as not fixed and absolute – often valuable but even potentially fixing the human condition in way that ignores the uniqueness of our personal journey.

How is it different from anxiety conditions?

People seem to be more anxious these days – overwhelmed, stressed and questioning of how they want to live their lives.  Worries and concerns seem more prevalent as we fit so much into our busy schedules.  How is everyday anxiety different from existential anxiety or is it related?

Existential anxiety is an inevitable aspect of our condition as human existents.  The Existential-Phenomenological perspective questions the assumption of us as fixed identities, instead seeing Self as  focal point in relation, i.e. the-self-in-relation (to others, to itself) rather than a fixed or separate entity (Heidgegger 1962, Boss 1963, Spinelli 1994).  The Self is not a substance but a verb a potentiality (May 1983).  Because of this, we are free to choose our own being.  This is the source of existential anxiety, since we have no yardstick against which to judge the rightness of our being – what we believe, how we live our lives, how we see ourselves and others.  Everyday anxiety results from the busyness of our minds, often against expectations we may feel are unchangeable. Unquestioned expectations however are the source of inauthentic living since they deny the full responsibility we have for our being. Hence existential anxiety might lurk behind everyday anxiety – hence why traditional relaxation and time management solution often don’t work.

By acknowledging and embracing the presence of existential anxiety, you may find that everyday anxiety is reduced or removed since you become an observer of your own being, rather than focusing on solutions unrelated to the true nature of your distress.

A friend of mine recently introduced her new boyfriend to her family.  The meeting went well and upon leaving her mother said ‘I am so glad to see you happy now – you deserve someone nice’.  Her reply was ‘But I am happy already – how come you are saying ‘it’s nice to see me happy now”.  Didn’t you experience me as happy before?’  The mother admonished her daughter for being too sensitive, saying ‘you know what I mean – I just want you to be happy’.

This conversation highlights some very powerful myths about romantic love.  Presumably (if I dare do this in a discussion on myths), some deeply held beliefs exist in the mother’s statement e.g. it is preferable to be in a committed relationship, a woman (or person) is better off not being single, it is good to ‘end up’ with someone after being alone etc.  These are all deeply held social and cultural myths of a preferable state of being.  It objectifies individuals (in this case my friend)  and potentially influences partners ‘in – relationship’ to relate  through a stereotypical lens of their perceptions of what  a ‘committed relationship is’.   It ignores our phenomenal state of being and co-construction with the ‘other’.