Myths of Life – Identifying and Removing the Myth of Limitation

Moving to another country, region, organisation or family often arouses strong feelings of separation and a sense of being an outsider.  Regardless of the open-ness and how we experience the so-called ‘Inside Group’,  the experience of belonging or not belonging is a highly existential experience and one not easily understood by theories of emigration or change.  But what does it mean to belong or not, to feel accepted or an outsider?

There are huge individual differences in reponses to change and emigration particularly brrngs up powerful responses of existential otherness which the sufferer often has not anticipated.  Enormous feelings of nostalgia or seeking similarities arises, with criticism or judgement often levelled at the host country.  The latter of course may be a projection of our anxiety and an attempt to make sense of the feelings of alienation and the unfixed nature of ourselves and the worlds which we inhabit.

How is it different from anxiety conditions?

People seem to be more anxious these days – overwhelmed, stressed and questioning of how they want to live their lives.  Worries and concerns seem more prevalent as we fit so much into our busy schedules.  How is everyday anxiety different from existential anxiety or is it related?

Existential anxiety is an inevitable aspect of our condition as human existents.  The Existential-Phenomenological perspective questions the assumption of us as fixed identities, instead seeing Self as  focal point in relation, i.e. the-self-in-relation (to others, to itself) rather than a fixed or separate entity (Heidgegger 1962, Boss 1963, Spinelli 1994).  The Self is not a substance but a verb a potentiality (May 1983).  Because of this, we are free to choose our own being.  This is the source of existential anxiety, since we have no yardstick against which to judge the rightness of our being – what we believe, how we live our lives, how we see ourselves and others.  Everyday anxiety results from the busyness of our minds, often against expectations we may feel are unchangeable. Unquestioned expectations however are the source of inauthentic living since they deny the full responsibility we have for our being. Hence existential anxiety might lurk behind everyday anxiety – hence why traditional relaxation and time management solution often don’t work.

By acknowledging and embracing the presence of existential anxiety, you may find that everyday anxiety is reduced or removed since you become an observer of your own being, rather than focusing on solutions unrelated to the true nature of your distress.

A friend of mine recently introduced her new boyfriend to her family.  The meeting went well and upon leaving her mother said ‘I am so glad to see you happy now – you deserve someone nice’.  Her reply was ‘But I am happy already – how come you are saying ‘it’s nice to see me happy now”.  Didn’t you experience me as happy before?’  The mother admonished her daughter for being too sensitive, saying ‘you know what I mean – I just want you to be happy’.

This conversation highlights some very powerful myths about romantic love.  Presumably (if I dare do this in a discussion on myths), some deeply held beliefs exist in the mother’s statement e.g. it is preferable to be in a committed relationship, a woman (or person) is better off not being single, it is good to ‘end up’ with someone after being alone etc.  These are all deeply held social and cultural myths of a preferable state of being.  It objectifies individuals (in this case my friend)  and potentially influences partners ‘in – relationship’ to relate  through a stereotypical lens of their perceptions of what  a ‘committed relationship is’.   It ignores our phenomenal state of being and co-construction with the ‘other’.